Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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