Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
