i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
