I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
What a dumb baby whore.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
