what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
