your parents love me but you hate me
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
