Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
