My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
