1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
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