Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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