My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
