My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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