Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
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