I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
