I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
