I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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