I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
