turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Randomize