READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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