I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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