I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
