how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
