after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
