I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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