so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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