Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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