Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
His nipple licking is glorious
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