it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
