I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
