i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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