It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
