I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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