Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
