bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
