When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
