I don't usually arrange sex via text message
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
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Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
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