That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
