I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
