Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I'm always down for nudity.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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