OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
