Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
