you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
My penis needs a shock collar
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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