So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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