Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
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i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
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Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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