do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
