WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
