Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
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I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
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why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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