You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
