I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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