Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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