Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
