Where are you?
In a non slutty way
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
is it fun? or sober?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
