idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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