I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
