OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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