I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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