My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize