I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
