we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
